One Massachusetts' Survivor of Abuse and Mother's Plea

PPOM NOTE: This is written by one mother who has come to us for help in her situation. Her situation unfortunately is NOT unique in the state of Massachusetts. Click here to read some of our investigation into the Massachusetts Family Court Crisis.

Below is one mother's plea for help. We are reposting this plea with permission of the author in hopes we can gain publicity and assistance for her as well as the other protective parents who lose custody in family court.  If you would like to share your story for consideration of publication, please submit your story here.


"I need your help.  I am writing to your organization because I have exhausted all my resources in Massachusetts and beyond.   

 This is my situation. I have three daughters, Alexandria aged 15, Shannon aged 12 and Kelly aged 9 who I love dearly. However, my ex-husband was granted custody, ex-parte, after he convinced me to lift a restraining order or else he would not pay child support for our daughters. I have not seen my children since August 3, 2011. My case started out as a domestic violence case in 2005 that included numerous police incidents including a restraining order for assault and battery and medical treatment. Pictures were also taken by the police department showing bruises on my face, arms and legs from the abuse. 

 I lost custody on a false ex-parte motion shortly after my abuser begged me to drop the restraining order as he was unable and in contempt for failing to pay child support. Two weeks before the ex-parte motion, a contempt motion was filed for failing to comply with his own granted visitation and child support. I was also seeking changes in visitation as a result.  I have been pretty much shut out of my children's lives since Sept 2007 as my abuser and father of my children has refused to comply with court ordered visitation and was recently found guilty on 96 Counts of contempt for failing to comply with visitation, but I was sanctioned for his contempt. 

My previous judge ADMITTED bias and recused himself in December 2009. He forwarded pending motions and contempts to the new judge (some filed in 2008 and unheard), but new judge took over a year (until Oct 2011) to address contempts especially in regards to the visitation interference. The court has allowed many things that right now I cannot post in fear of retaliation and in lieu of pending Appeal of my case. 

Bottom line.... There have been at least 5 attempts to terminate visitation based on unfounded ACCUSATIONS of mental illness and motions for mental health evaluation been denied 100% ONLY AFTER I filed for help from the court regarding the abuse and AFTER I filed for divorce and was granted full physical and shared legal custody in the divorce. 

Please explain to me, Massachusetts Survivors Outreach, how a protective mother goes from having a restraining order to being forced to lift it for financial reasons (documented), to never seeing your children again? 

My abuser has spent the last six years trying to obliterate any and all mother-daughter relationship between my daughters and me.  He made it crystal clear as testified in court in March 2009 that he wanted the children to forget I even existed.  He has testified that he has not complied with court orders and has no intention of complying with court orders. He has prevented me from seeing them, confiscated all gifts and letters I sent them and even placed a block on my telephone number so I could not speak to them for months.  This was verified by the phone company and documented through the police department.

My children and I cannot get back those formative years we have missed. The damage is already done and is irreversible. All I can hope for is to be given the chance to help my children through the healing and begin to rebuild a relationship we lost on that fateful day in September 2007.

In hindsight, I feel like the biggest mistake I made was I left my abuser, my children’s father because at least I would still be with them. I do not drink, use drugs and have never abused children.  I am a adjunct instructor at a local college, volunteer doing healing work, and have won awards for my volunteerism which is one thing I find very self healing to me.  

However, I am still heartbroken.  I can’t see my children grow up or see their faces on Christmas morning after Santa has left presents under the tree. I can’t be there on their first day of school or on their birthdays.  Mother /daughter times don’t exist for us, times taken for-granted by many.  I have missed ALL THEIR birthdays, first day of school, first dance, holidays, vacations, school volunteering since 2007. My youngest is 9. That means I have already missed out on HALF her life. Unfortunately the tender, formative years are gone forever and my children will grow up  not knowing their mother and have no memories of the mother/daughter bond created during childhood due to their father.

I have exhausted the judicial system as well as my personal and financial resources trying to reverse the damage done to my children, my family and myself.  I have lost everything to the point that I had to move in with my father so I would not be homeless, for basic survival, and so I can continue my fight.

I am reaching out to you because I don’t know what else to do, but I refuse to stop fighting for my girls until they are safe with me.

In-light of the recent documentary No Way Out by Garland Walker and Barry Nolan and the recent Fox LA news expose’ series on the Family Court victimization of countless children, I cannot and will not stop until justice is done!

All I want to do is hug my children, tell they I love them and after all these years have not stopped fighting for them. If you could help me or led me to someone who can, I would be forever grateful.

Thank you ... (mother's name confidential)"

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For more information about the family court crisis in Massachusetts, please visit our website or visit our Resources Page.

Other resources: Center for Judicial Excellence and Battered Women's Justice Project

Gender Bias Study of the Court System in Massachusetts

 Massachusetts Judicial Bias for Incarcerated Fathers

DISCLOSURE:  The victim statement above is the sole content of the authro and does not reflect the views or statements of Massachusetts Survivors Outreach or officers of Massachusetts Survivors Outreach. This plea was released with permission and consent.